My Old Pal, Impostor Syndrome
Do you ever look around at your friends or fellow students and think, “How did I get here? I have no idea what I’m doing?” This thought can pop into your head as you're sitting in a lecture, writing a résumé, or just living life. Today I start my first off-campus practicum experience for speech-language pathology and I’m here to say I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING.
Yes, I’ve passed the classes and gained the requisite clinical knowledge, but somehow I still feel like I shouldn’t be responsible for sheparding the communicative development of young children. Now this (albeit familiar) feeling of being an outsider looking in is what is called Impostor Syndrome. Essentially, you feel like a phony. That somehow, at some point in time, someone will finally say, “HEY! You’re a terrible [insert profession/position here] and you should probably rethink everything you ever thought about yourself.” But instead of someone else actually telling you this, you are the one thinking this. All the time.
Sure, I’ve learned over the years to (humbly) accept my accomplishments and reflect on who and what made them possible, but for the most part, I kind of walk on eggshells waiting until someone realizes that I’m not actually great. Perhaps worse, I'm afraid I’ll eventually mess up, fail, and confirm everything I’ve ever secretly felt. OR WORSE. I’ll let down my professors, my supervisors, and my family. I hate to disappoint.
So how does one combat this fraudulent feeling? Ha, I wish I knew. Just kidding (sort of).
Find peace in knowing that you are not the only person who feels this way. Taking one step into a student workroom or having a heart-to-heart with your friends confirms this immediately. Hello, what are friends for if not for venting and collective panic?
The feeling ebbs and flows. I can’t say that during all waking hours of the day do I feel as though I’m faking it til I make it. Usually, it happens around the time that my academic or professional life is expanding or evolving. For what it's worth, Impostor Syndrome kind of means you're doing something right.
Take a breather, because superhuman-ing your way through life will kill you. At some point, you have to embrace self-care. Luckily, this concept has swept the social media sphere meaning that prioritizing your responsibilities and managing your schedule is en vogue. No more biting off more than you can chew for the sake of looking like a Woman with a Plan™. Be one by acing the responsibilities you're tasked with so that not only are you great at what you do, but you still love what you do. My sister once wisely told me that I was on my way to a breakdown a la Sterling K. Brown on This is Us (congrats on the historic GG win). Joke's on her though because I added more to my plate. Don't take any of my advice.
Think of how far you’ve come already. I was watching a nature documentary the other night, so this next comparison stems from that. Accruing information from coursework and clinical placements is sort of like a river filling up after a flood: It happens slowly, without warning, then—suddenly—you're inundated with knowledge and experience. Now, I'm not John Steinbeck so I won't overextend the river simile. But you (and I) know more than you think. And your clinic director/boss/mentor will not throw you to the wind if they do not think you're ready. You’re ready.
So go out there and be the rockin’ [insert profession/position here] I know you’ll be!